The days go by ever so slowly. It’s slowness that anticipation brings about as you count down the days until you get to see your favourite band in concert, the same slowness that makes Christmas morning last so long until your parents finally wake up ;). This is my life …
I feel like we have been pregnant for years. What was life even like before we were pregnant (and we’re 6 months in)?
In a way it doesn’t even matter. This is our life now, and it is wonderful! And it soon it will be even more so. There are all different sorts of parents out there. You get all different sorts of opinions, parental advice, and judgments from these parents. But I’ve heard it said by enough parents that “having kids was the best choice I ever made in my life”, to know that that’s the kind of parent I am. I’m not the kind that’s going to hate changing diapers … we’re a different breed, he and I.
We’ve been pregnant long enough now to see that parents feel all sorts of different ways for their unborn child(ren). Some are scared, anxious, or unsure. But I feel calm, and prepared (not to do everything correctly, but to love, try and adapt).
If it’s not clear already I love my daughter even though she’s not born yet. I look at the ultrasound images and I feel a love I’ve never known. This beautiful tiny being is my daughter, my daughter! Though I have no doubt that my love (and life) will change after she is born and as time goes on, the love is real now.
It’s hard to say when I first started to love Samantha. When does any mother or father start to love their child? It’s not a competition, because we’re all different, but it’s fascinating nonetheless. Maybe it was soon after seeing the first ultrasound. Maybe it was when she was technically a fetus or when we got the second ultrasound. I don’t know.
Now, my sweetest daydreams are of our future lives together: Deb, Sam, and me. I think of all the games we’ll play together, moments laughing and loving as a family. Comforting and being there for her when she needs it. The challenge of seeing her grow up and heading off to school. I think about teaching her special things like the importance of respect for other animal life on this planet. I imagine snuggling with her and just sharing love.
These dreams seem healthy and important because they are preparing me to have perspective when times get rough. And they most certainly will. Going through pregnancy I think it’s also important for us to embrace our future lives and roles.
It’s still surreal, but so real at the same time.
When did you first start to love your child? And when are you a mother or father? This last question is one Deb and I have debated a number of times. I feel like I am a father. We have this baby inside of Deb completely dependent on us, alive, growing, and human. To be sure she will change, and our roles with her will change dramatically, and our love will change, but she is there. We have a relationship, a bond, and what else should we call it?
Would love to hear your thoughts!